Happy Valentine's Day
by Carol
Summary: Three tags to My Bloody Valentine.
1. Piece by Piece

**Happy Valentine's Day**

**By Carol M.**

**Summary: Tags for My Bloody Valentine**

**Spoilers: everything up to My Bloody Valentine**

**Disclaimer: I don't own them, only love them (and want to give them hugs)**

**Note: Oh gawd, what an episode! I'm still hemorrhaging on the inside. I have three different tags here. The first is an expansion into Dean's mind when he's outside the panic room with Castiel, the second is Dean's junkyard breakdown as seen from Bobby's point of view and the third is a missing scene where Dean comes back to the panic room to be with Sam. There were so many things to explore in this episode that I took a few different approaches in dealing with the emotional aftermath. These can either be taken as one continuous story or three standalones. I hope I was able to do the story and characters justice. Enjoy!**

**Tag 1: Piece by Piece**

**Summary: Dean's thoughts as he stands outside the panic room**

The desperate sounds of his brother in wailing agony begging him to ease his pain and let him go was like taking a brass knuckled punch straight into his stomach. Dean couldn't breathe. He took a sip off the whiskey, more out of habit than affect, knowing that they hadn't invented anything strong enough to make this alright.

Famine had been wrong. He wasn't dead inside. If he were, there would be no pain. He wouldn't feel this. He wouldn't have to choke on the jagged knife that had obviously done a damn good job of tearing apart his soul piece by torturous piece over the years. Lately, it seemed like his life consisted of moments solely like this one, where a piece of himself was ripped out, burnt, stomped, pissed on and then thrust back into his body, rotted and dead. He wondered when the last piece of himself would be removed and then he wouldn't have to feel anything. Maybe this was it.

He shut his eyes, and each and every one of those moments like this one tore through him. It had started at a very young age. Four to be exact…

Something had happened to his mother. He didn't exactly understand what, but he knew it was bad. She was never coming back. She'd never hug him again.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

He was 10 or 11. Dad had just saved Sam from the shtriga. His brother had almost died because of him. Dad had looked at him with such disappointment and disgust that it had gutted him.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sam leaving for Stanford. He should have been happy for him. But he was losing his brother and his best friend. His family was destroyed. Again.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

He had come back to some random motel he had been staying at with his dad and found that his father had left him too. He was all alone.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Going back to Lawrence and battling the evil that still lurked in their old house. His dad didn't show up for him after he begged for his help.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sam being under the influence of a crazy doctor and telling him how much he despised him and how pathetic he thought Dean was. Then trying to kill him. Several times.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sam walking out on him in the middle of the night in the middle of the highway to go after their dad in California.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

His dad never calling or showing up after he had been electrocuted and given just a few weeks to live.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Finding out that Sam had freaky psychic abilities.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Cassie.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Reuniting with their dad to defeat the shadow demon, only to have to separate from him again, even if it was for his father's own protection.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Losing Pastor Jim. And Caleb.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sam telling him that after they defeated the yellow eyed demon he was done with hunting and that he was leaving him again.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Meg telling him his father was dead.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

"Sam…he's clearly John's favorite. Even when they fight, it's more concern then he's ever shown you… "Truth is... they don't need you. Not like you need them."

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

His father telling him that if he couldn't protect Sam from becoming evil that he'd have to kill him.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

His father dying.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

For him.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

And going to hell.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Revealing to Sam that dad told him he might have to kill him one day.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sam leaving him. Again.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sam possessed by Meg. "I can see it in your eyes, Dean. You're worthless. You couldn't save your dad. And deep down, you know you can't save your brother."

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Watching Sam having to kill Madison.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Realizing that everything the djinn had created was a dream of a life that he would never have. And that he had to go back to his own.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sammy dying.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

** rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle**

Selling his soul to bring Sammy back.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Realizing that Ben wasn't his son.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Finally seeing there was no way out of his deal and that he was going to burn in hell.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Being torn apart day after day after day after day for thirty years in hell.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Breaking.

**rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle**

** rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle**

** rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle**

Being saved and then remembering what he did in hell.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Being sent back in time and realizing the truth about his mother and his family.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Finding out that Sam was using his powers and was slowly but surely turning into a monster.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Admitting to Sam that he had broken in hell. And that he had liked it.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Losing his trust, love and faith in his brother and feeling like Sam had no use for him anymore.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Losing Pamela.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Torturing Alistair.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Finding out he had broken the first seal.

RIP, CRACKLE, STOMP, SIZZLE

Adam and the father/son bonding moments he had shared with their dad. That he never got.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

No longer being able to deny that Sam was addicted to demon blood.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Locking him away in the panic room to detox for the first time.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Telling Sam he was a monster.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sam nearly killing him. And then walking out on him with Ruby.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Not being able to stop Sam from killing Lilith and breaking the final seal.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Bobby getting paralyzed to save his life..

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Having to separate from Sam for both of their sakes and safety.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Being on his own. Without Sammy.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Seeing who he became in the future without him.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Seeing who Sam became in the future without him.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Gabriel insisting they play their heavenly scripted roles in the real world.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Losing Jo and Ellen.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Realizing too late how much Jo had meant to him.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Lucifer standing up alive after being shot with the Colt.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Slowly but surely going crazy

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Realizing that any hope of ever having his own family was gone.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Going back in time and still not being able to save his parents

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Being told that he had no control over his destiny and that his destiny was to kill his brother.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Losing Sam once again to demon blood and watching helplessly as he used his demon powers.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sammy detox. Take two.

rip, crackle, stomp, sizzle

Sammy was still screaming.

"It's not him in there," he heard Castiel say. "Not really."

Dean opened his eyes. "I know."

He had spent his whole life steeling himself against these moments, telling himself over and over again that the worst was over and that he could take whatever life had to throw at him next. But the moments kept getting harder to take. Almost unbearable as time went on. He had to fight harder and harder to see himself through. But he'd always done it. Somehow he always managed to get up and go on.

"Dean, Sam just needs to get it out of his system and then he'll be…"

But not this time.

"I just need uh…I just need to get some air," said Dean quickly.

He realized this was his last piece of himself. After this, his heart and soul would be gone, replaced with nothing but dead air. He could feel the literal rip of this final piece being torn out of him, the burning singe of the flame, the shock of the hard stomp on his soul and the disgust of it all being pissed on. That piece was then shoved back inside him. Hollow. Nothing.

It had taken twenty seven years. And he had lost himself. Piece by piece.


	2. Out of My Hands

**Tag 2: Out of His Hands**

**Summary: Bobby's POV on Dean's junkyard breakdown**

Bobby watched Dean from the front window, his heart aching in sympathy for the kid like he was his own son. He had known Dean was bad off the second he and Castiel had arrived with a detoxing Sam in tow. It was the look in Dean's eyes. Somehow this last job had broken him.

He wanted to comfort him in some way, but Dean appeared too fragile. Bobby didn't want to risk pushing the wrong move on him that might hurt him further. So he had given the boy his space. Sat up in the living room in his metal chair and listened while Sam screamed. Hadn't said a word when Dean had come up the stairs with an almost empty bottle of whiskey in his hands and wordlessly slammed through the front door as if his very existence depended on it. He contemplated wheeling himself out after him, but decided that Dean needed to find his footing on his own terms. But he sat by the window and watched him anyway, just in case Dean fell. He'd be out there in a second to pick him back up and try and put the wrecked boy back together again.

He watched as Dean trekked slowly to the Impala, the one thing in the kid's miserable life that hadn't failed him. He watched as Dean raised the bottle to drink and then lowered his arm in pointless defeat. Aw hell. Bobby swallowed back a lump as he watched Dean's tear filled eyes raise to the heavens and plead upwards in complete and utter helplessness. Then he watched as the kid crumpled, his face cracking in despair, his eyes running in streams of misery, his body quaking in fear and hopelessness and his sobbing wails echoing the desolate void that was Dean Winchester's insides.

Bobby's own face was now damp with tears. It had never been this bad. Not when John had died. Not even when Sam had died. He thought he was going to lose the kid then and probably would've if Dean hadn't made the deal. That was bad enough. But this…this was just gut wrenching to watch. He wanted to go out there and take Dean in his arms and hold him and comfort him and tell him that everything would be alright. But he couldn't do that because he knew he'd be lying. And he would not lie to Dean. Not after everything this poor boy…this man had gone through in his life. So instead he just watched him…silently, anonymously, grieving for a tortured life right alongside him, hoping to give him strength, praying that Dean knew he wasn't all alone.

It went on for hours. Bobby waited with morbidly baited breath to see if the hand of God would sweep down and make Dean whole again. But it never did. No one came for him. Nothing answered his prayers. Instead, Dean continued to weep for a lifetime of painful crosses to bear. Bobby wept right along with him.

It finally stopped at sunrise. Dean picked himself up from where he had fallen on the cold wet ground and clamored back inside the house. His tear ravaged puffy eyes briefly met Bobby's as he headed back down to the panic room.

"Son," said Bobby, returning the gaze, silently telling him that he was there for anything that he needed.

Dean paused and gave him a quick nod of appreciation. Then he continued down the gauntlet to the panic room, the sounds of broken sniffles lingering behind him. Bobby's heart wrenched in sympathy, but there was nothing to do for him. It was out of his hands.


	3. Entwined

**Tag 3: Entwined**

**Summary: Dean returns to the panic room to be with Sam**

Castiel's eyes widened as Dean returned to their stakeout outside the panic room. The angel looked visibly disturbed and concerned at his appearance. He was sure he looked like absolute hell.

Castiel cleared his throat awkwardly. "Sam's quieted down. I think the worst may be over."

Dean nodded and silently stepped to the iron door, unlatching it. He felt Castiel's hand suddenly on his arm. "It might be too soon Dean. He could still be under the effects…

"I don't care," breathed Dean in tender desperation.

Castiel paused for a moment and then removed his hand. "I'll be out here if you need any assistance."

"Thanks Cas," said Dean, grateful for the understanding. He stepped into the panic room and then shut the door behind him. Sam was lying handcuffed to the small cot in the middle of the room. He was shivering slightly and mumbling incoherently, his eyes moving rapidly behind closed lids. But the pain and violence of the detox seemed to have run its course.

"Sammy," whispered Dean. He knelt down next to his brother and ran a hand through Sam's sweaty mop of hair. "It's gonna be okay little brother." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to the handcuffs. Then he gently unlocked Sam's shackles one by one. Sam moaned and then curled limply into himself.

Dean carefully pushed Sam to the edge of the cot and then climbed in awkwardly next to him. He put his arm around his shaking brother and pulled him into his chest, effectively spooning him. Just like he had done when they were kids and Sam was sick or scared and they were all alone. Dean didn't know who it comforted more, him or his brother. All he knew was that it always helped them both fall into a peaceful sleep.

They may have been bigger and the bed may have been a lot smaller, but the affect was still the same, even after all these years. Dean felt his brother's shaking ease as he buried his face against Sam's back, his own body slowly easing into relaxation. He grasped around for Sam's hand, and when he found it, he squeezed it tightly. He felt the slightest return squeeze back from Sam. It was the last thing Dean felt before falling into an exhausted sleep as he lay tucked up and entwined against his baby brother.

That's All Folks!


End file.
